By ADDitude Magazine
Why parents should check in with teachers half-way through the school year and adjust their parenting skills to ensure academic and social success.
Is your learning-disabled child getting along with his teachers and his classmates? Is she developing strong friendships? Enjoying her after-school activities?
No matter how your son or daughter is faring, winter break is a perfect time to take stock — and to think about parenting strategies that will make the second half of the school year even more rewarding and productive than the first.
Here are a few points to consider:
Teacher communication
Finding out whom your child spends time with will give you a better idea of her social and academic progress. Ask the teacher whom your child eats lunch with, if she raises her hand to ask questions, if he’s keeping his desk neat.
Don’t hesitate to share your concerns as soon as they arise. Some teachers are happy to receive calls or e-mail from parents. Others prefer to send notes back and forth in children’s folders. However you communicate, let the teacher know how much you appreciate her help and insight.
Family time
Spending time with parents and siblings is essential for reinforcing social skills—exercising self-control, sharing, expressing feelings, reacting to failure, and so on. It also gives parents an opportunity to give kids positive feedback about good behavior.
Extracurricular activities
Soccer on Wednesdays, karate on Fridays, Scouts on Saturdays...sound familiar? Extracurricular activities are a fun way for kids to learn key social skills, such as taking turns and sharing. But children, like grownups, need some unstructured time to rest and regroup.
One young patient of mine was signed up for a different after-school activity each day of the week. By the time Friday rolled around, she was exhausted. She talked it over with her parents and decided to drop everything but drama and art—her favorite activities. She became happier and more agreeable—and so did the rest of the family.
Think about which activities make sense for your child. Some ADHD kids have trouble with sports that require close teamwork and intense concentration, like soccer or basketball. Such kids might fare better with swimming, tennis, or another individual sport.
Weekend fun
Excessive down time can also be troublesome. Long stretches on Saturday and Sunday can turn into “hot spots” for kids who are accustomed to the school day’s structure. Taking a trip to the movies or a museum—or simply enjoying a favorite DVD at home—can go a long way toward keeping a child on track over the weekend. Of course, it’s also important that your child has friends to play with. It used to be easy to scare up a play date on short notice. These days, parents and kids alike are so booked up that it pays to plan days, or even weeks, in advance.
Positive attitude
Give some thought to what you need, as well. A vacation for just you and your spouse? A babysitter who’s “on call” one night a week? An occasional massage or a new outfit might help. Parents who take care of their own needs find it easier to take care of their child’s.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Sue Scheff: Political Teens
“When parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves -- this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among their children,”
– Dr. Alan Abramowitz, Political Science Professor, Emory University
Nineteen-year-old Will Kelly is pounding the pavement, knocking on doors and talking to voters.
Seventeen-year-old Amelia Hartley is answering phones, making copies and filing news clips.
She is a die-hard Democrat, and he is a faithful Republican. Both teenagers have a passion for politics and for getting involved.
“To be honest,” Will says of his volunteer work, “because I care about what’s going on and it troubles me to see how so many people become apathetic with what they do have in this country – that we take so much for granted.”
“At 17, I can’t vote yet, I don’t pay taxes, but within a year I’m going to have to know enough about leaders – not only national, but local and state – to be able to say who I want running things,” says Amelia of her involvement.
According to the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, young voters are turning up in record numbers this presidential election.
One reason, experts say, their parents.
“There has been quite a bit of research that shows that when parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves, when they take their kids to vote with them, that all this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among the children,” says Dr. Alan Abramowitz, a political science professor at Emory University.
It is a level of interest, Dr. Abramowitz adds, that persists over time. “Even many years later, those who were raised in families that were politically active and where the parents talked about politics remain more active themselves.”
Amelia and Will say they’ve been invigorated by the hard work of politics. And, in fact, it’s sparked an interest.
“Is there a future in politics for me?” Will ponders. “Well that’s a question I seem to ask myself a lot. We’ll have to see.”
“There are a lot of career paths I’m considering,” says Amelia, “and politics is definitely one of them.”
Tips for Parents
– Dr. Alan Abramowitz, Political Science Professor, Emory University
Nineteen-year-old Will Kelly is pounding the pavement, knocking on doors and talking to voters.
Seventeen-year-old Amelia Hartley is answering phones, making copies and filing news clips.
She is a die-hard Democrat, and he is a faithful Republican. Both teenagers have a passion for politics and for getting involved.
“To be honest,” Will says of his volunteer work, “because I care about what’s going on and it troubles me to see how so many people become apathetic with what they do have in this country – that we take so much for granted.”
“At 17, I can’t vote yet, I don’t pay taxes, but within a year I’m going to have to know enough about leaders – not only national, but local and state – to be able to say who I want running things,” says Amelia of her involvement.
According to the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, young voters are turning up in record numbers this presidential election.
One reason, experts say, their parents.
“There has been quite a bit of research that shows that when parents talk about politics with their kids, when they participate themselves, when they take their kids to vote with them, that all this leads to a higher level of interest in politics among the children,” says Dr. Alan Abramowitz, a political science professor at Emory University.
It is a level of interest, Dr. Abramowitz adds, that persists over time. “Even many years later, those who were raised in families that were politically active and where the parents talked about politics remain more active themselves.”
Amelia and Will say they’ve been invigorated by the hard work of politics. And, in fact, it’s sparked an interest.
“Is there a future in politics for me?” Will ponders. “Well that’s a question I seem to ask myself a lot. We’ll have to see.”
“There are a lot of career paths I’m considering,” says Amelia, “and politics is definitely one of them.”
Tips for Parents
70% said they are paying attention to the race
53% said Barack Obama was the candidate best described as ‘inspirational’
83% said this election will have a great impact on the country
A majority (54%) say the US was wrong to go to war in Iraq
80% of young people rate the economic conditions in this country as only fair or poor
Nearly three-quarters of the respondents said they feel the country is headed down the wrong track
Affordable health care (62%), the Iraq War (59%), and being able to find a stable, good paying job (58%) are the top issues a majority of young people worry about the most.
More than 6.5 million young people under the age of 30 participated in the 2008 primaries and caucuses. In fact, Obama’s margin of victory in Iowa came almost entirely from voters under 25 years old. In New Hampshire, his edge among young voters was 3 to 1; in Nevada, it was 2 to 1; and in Michigan, nearly 50,000 under-30s voted "Uncommitted" because Clinton's name was the only one on the ballot.
The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement, getting kids involved in a civics or government class is a great way to get them more interested in the elections. From the 2006 Civic and Political Health of the Nation Report, young people who report that they recently choose to take a civics or government class are more likely than other young people to say that:
they helped solve a community problem,
they can make a difference in their community,
they have volunteered recently,
they trust other people and the government,
they have made consumer decisions for ethical or political reasons,
they believe in the importance of voting, and
they are registered to vote.
Parents are also one of the greatest influences on young voters.
Start with the basics. Make sure your 18-year-old knows when and where to vote.
Getting your 18-year-old to the polls could pay big dividends. People who have been motivated to vote once are more likely to become repeat voters.
Acquire and fill out voter registration forms with your teen. If your teen meets age requirements, you should each fill out a voter registration form.
If your teen meets age requirements on Election Day, go to your polling place together to cast your ballots.
If your teen doesn’t meet age requirements for the 2008 election, but will turn 18 before the 2012 election, involve them in the current election as preparation for the next election.
Consider taking teens between 14 and 17 to the polling place with you. Even if they are not permitted inside for security reasons, the visit will demystify the voting process.
Remind your child that the November election is the result of many local primaries and that Americans are able to vote for their national, state and local leaders.
Kids who are not old enough to vote can still have an impact on elections. Encourage kids to get involved in the political process. They can go door-to-door in support of candidates or help with fundraising efforts.
It can seem daunting to research candidates, because information on the different races is not centralized in one place. Parents can share news articles with their kids. The key is to engage students with issues they will find relevant to their lives.
References
Time Magazine
The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Importance of Friends
“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”
– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist
Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.
“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.
The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.
“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.
It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.
“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.
By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.
“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.
Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”
Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.
Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.
Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”
Tips for Parents
– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist
Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.
“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.
The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.
“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.
It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.
“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.
By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.
“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.
Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”
Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.
Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.
Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”
Tips for Parents
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse.
Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous? The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.
The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:
Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
Learn and model stress-management skills.
Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.
If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional. The following are signs that professional help may be needed:
Disorientation and memory gaps
Severe depression and withdrawal
Substance abuse
Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
Hallucinations
Fear of harming self or others
Inability to make simple decisions
Excessive preoccupation with one thought
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare. The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period. The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.
In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence. They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras. Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.
The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:
Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
Enhance multicultural understanding.
Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
Place students and parents on notice.
Provide adequate adult supervision.
Develop and enforce a school dress code.
Provide teacher training in behavior management.
Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
Create a student advisory council.
Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
Develop a student crime prevention program.
References
The University of Virginia
The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Sue Scheff: Bullies in Cyberspace
By http://www.education.com/
Everyone remembers the school bully in their lives. Maybe they stole your bike, or bloodied your nose, or spread a nasty rumor that had you hiding out in the bathroom. Whatever they did, they made life miserable. But as bad as they were, you could identify them, predict their behavior and try to steer clear.
Unfortunately for your kids, that may no longer be the case. That’s because bullies can still be on the school grounds, but they can also be in cyberspace, lurking where no one can see them.
Cyberbullying is on the rise, and the bad guys are not always who you think. A bully can be a girl spreading rumors about a former friend, or a student trying to get revenge on a teacher who gave them a bad grade, or a group of kids playing a prank on an unsuspecting schoolmate. Cyberbullying is a complex beast. Often it starts with otherwise nice kids from nice families who go online to “have a little fun” at someone else’s expense. But it can get out of hand very quickly.
Bullies are resourceful. With all the high-tech tools out there, they can take their pick from cell phones, pagers, websites, blogs, chat rooms, IMs, or emails. They can go on a site and invite other people in to help bully their victim – by asking them to comment on their picture. They can create a webpage that looks like it belongs to the person being bullied, but is malicious. They can enter an email address and have their victim spammed with messages from websites they’ve never visited. They can put up embarrassing pictures, or even use a tool like Photoshop to adjust a picture and make it look different.
Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Ed_Bullies_Cyberspace_2/
Everyone remembers the school bully in their lives. Maybe they stole your bike, or bloodied your nose, or spread a nasty rumor that had you hiding out in the bathroom. Whatever they did, they made life miserable. But as bad as they were, you could identify them, predict their behavior and try to steer clear.
Unfortunately for your kids, that may no longer be the case. That’s because bullies can still be on the school grounds, but they can also be in cyberspace, lurking where no one can see them.
Cyberbullying is on the rise, and the bad guys are not always who you think. A bully can be a girl spreading rumors about a former friend, or a student trying to get revenge on a teacher who gave them a bad grade, or a group of kids playing a prank on an unsuspecting schoolmate. Cyberbullying is a complex beast. Often it starts with otherwise nice kids from nice families who go online to “have a little fun” at someone else’s expense. But it can get out of hand very quickly.
Bullies are resourceful. With all the high-tech tools out there, they can take their pick from cell phones, pagers, websites, blogs, chat rooms, IMs, or emails. They can go on a site and invite other people in to help bully their victim – by asking them to comment on their picture. They can create a webpage that looks like it belongs to the person being bullied, but is malicious. They can enter an email address and have their victim spammed with messages from websites they’ve never visited. They can put up embarrassing pictures, or even use a tool like Photoshop to adjust a picture and make it look different.
Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Ed_Bullies_Cyberspace_2/
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Parents Unviersal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) How to Move Past Mistakes
Eight simple parenting rules for motivating a vulnerable child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).
What’s the key to reaching one’s goals and making a happy, productive life? Motivation. But it’s hard to feel motivated when much of what you try goes awry. Just ask (or observe) a child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD); distractibility and memory deficits can lead to frequent mistakes at home and at school — and what feels like constant discipline and criticism from parents and teachers.
Some kids buy into the idea that they aren’t capable of much, and give up when faced with even small challenges. Others become so fearful of not doing things right that they don’t even try. Either way, these kids suffer a severe blow to their self-esteem.
Now for the good news: It’s surprisingly easy to “inoculate” your son or daughter against defeatism and low self-esteem. All you have to do is teach your child how to think about the mistakes they make. Use my eight rules (outlined below) at home, and encourage your child’s teachers to use them at school. The rules are known by the acronym DELICATE. (If you have trouble remembering all eight, write them down, and post them prominently in your home.)
D is for DECREASE
Point out to your child when his mistakes are decreasing in magnitude or frequency — and assure him that they are likely to continue to do so. “Look how far you’ve already come,” you might say. “The more you practice, the fewer mistakes you make. Things will get easier.”
E is for EXPECTATION
Kids are less likely to be discouraged by mistakes if they realize that mistakes are to be expected. Ask your child to name what is at each end of a pencil. Explain that the point is for writing and the eraser is for correcting mistakes. In fact, the inevitability of mistakes is why erasers were invented. Explain, “Of course there are going to be mistakes. That’s what erasers are for.”
L is for LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how your child uses it. Make sure your child understands that every mistake, no matter how big or small, can be used as a learning opportunity. “Let’s learn from what just happened,” you might say. “Remember, success means making progress—not being perfect.”
I is for INCOMPLETE
Teach your child to regard a mistake not as a mark of failure, but as an indication that a project remains unfinished: “You’re not done with it yet. We’ll work on it again later. You didn’t run out of talent, you just ran out of time.”
C is for CAUSE
The perfectionist parent believes there is no excuse for mistakes. The realistic parent understands that mistakes are inevitable, and—rather than trying to affix blame — looks for causes to correct. “Let’s see what’s giving you trouble here,” you might say. “Every mistake has a cause.”
A is for ACCIDENT
Make sure your child knows that mistakes are, by nature, accidents, and that making one does not mean that he is “bad.”
T is for TEMPORARY
Encourage your child to view each mistake as a temporary setback on the road to success: “You’re just not ready for that activity right now—you’ll do better later.”
E is for EFFORT
Mistakes should be viewed as proof of trying, not as proof of failing to try hard enough. Point out that Michael Jordan missed 63 percent of the baskets he attempted during his basketball career. Babe Ruth struck out more than 1,300 times. And Thomas Edison tried 611 different materials before discovering that tungsten makes the best filament for a light bulb. “The only way you can guarantee avoiding a mistake,” you might say, “is not to try. Thank you for trying.”
By applying these eight concepts to the mistakes your child makes, you’re helping him develop that “I can do it!” self-confidence, free of the specter of perfectionism.
Some kids buy into the idea that they aren’t capable of much, and give up when faced with even small challenges. Others become so fearful of not doing things right that they don’t even try. Either way, these kids suffer a severe blow to their self-esteem.
Now for the good news: It’s surprisingly easy to “inoculate” your son or daughter against defeatism and low self-esteem. All you have to do is teach your child how to think about the mistakes they make. Use my eight rules (outlined below) at home, and encourage your child’s teachers to use them at school. The rules are known by the acronym DELICATE. (If you have trouble remembering all eight, write them down, and post them prominently in your home.)
D is for DECREASE
Point out to your child when his mistakes are decreasing in magnitude or frequency — and assure him that they are likely to continue to do so. “Look how far you’ve already come,” you might say. “The more you practice, the fewer mistakes you make. Things will get easier.”
E is for EXPECTATION
Kids are less likely to be discouraged by mistakes if they realize that mistakes are to be expected. Ask your child to name what is at each end of a pencil. Explain that the point is for writing and the eraser is for correcting mistakes. In fact, the inevitability of mistakes is why erasers were invented. Explain, “Of course there are going to be mistakes. That’s what erasers are for.”
L is for LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
The only difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how your child uses it. Make sure your child understands that every mistake, no matter how big or small, can be used as a learning opportunity. “Let’s learn from what just happened,” you might say. “Remember, success means making progress—not being perfect.”
I is for INCOMPLETE
Teach your child to regard a mistake not as a mark of failure, but as an indication that a project remains unfinished: “You’re not done with it yet. We’ll work on it again later. You didn’t run out of talent, you just ran out of time.”
C is for CAUSE
The perfectionist parent believes there is no excuse for mistakes. The realistic parent understands that mistakes are inevitable, and—rather than trying to affix blame — looks for causes to correct. “Let’s see what’s giving you trouble here,” you might say. “Every mistake has a cause.”
A is for ACCIDENT
Make sure your child knows that mistakes are, by nature, accidents, and that making one does not mean that he is “bad.”
T is for TEMPORARY
Encourage your child to view each mistake as a temporary setback on the road to success: “You’re just not ready for that activity right now—you’ll do better later.”
E is for EFFORT
Mistakes should be viewed as proof of trying, not as proof of failing to try hard enough. Point out that Michael Jordan missed 63 percent of the baskets he attempted during his basketball career. Babe Ruth struck out more than 1,300 times. And Thomas Edison tried 611 different materials before discovering that tungsten makes the best filament for a light bulb. “The only way you can guarantee avoiding a mistake,” you might say, “is not to try. Thank you for trying.”
By applying these eight concepts to the mistakes your child makes, you’re helping him develop that “I can do it!” self-confidence, free of the specter of perfectionism.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Sue Scheff: How to Hang with your Teen
By Shoulder to Shoulder
Ok, we know it may seem like an oxymoron: parents and teens having fun together? It has been known to happen. Whether its family activities, time just for you and your teen, special events and trips or just the every day activities around the house, find ways to create fun and connections with teens.
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:
Read the same book and then talk about it.
Take a class together. Try dog obedience or cooking classes.
Go out for lunch to celebrate the beginning of the school year.
Celebrate half birthdays with a special family meal.
Share a subscription to a favorite teen magazine and talk about one article.
Cook a special meal together for someone who is ill.
Go to a music store and listen to their favorite CDs. Then have them listen to our music. (Ignore the groans.)
Take your teen to work with you.
Build something together.
Take a trip by car and visit places that were special to you when you were your teen’s age.
Go for a bike ride with one of their friends and the friend’s parent.
Have a favorite “breakfast diner” and eat there once a month.
Schedule your lunch hour during your teen’s lunch break - check them out of school and take your teen to lunch.
Ask your teen for suggestions.
Ok, we know it may seem like an oxymoron: parents and teens having fun together? It has been known to happen. Whether its family activities, time just for you and your teen, special events and trips or just the every day activities around the house, find ways to create fun and connections with teens.
HERE ARE SOME IDEAS:
Read the same book and then talk about it.
Take a class together. Try dog obedience or cooking classes.
Go out for lunch to celebrate the beginning of the school year.
Celebrate half birthdays with a special family meal.
Share a subscription to a favorite teen magazine and talk about one article.
Cook a special meal together for someone who is ill.
Go to a music store and listen to their favorite CDs. Then have them listen to our music. (Ignore the groans.)
Take your teen to work with you.
Build something together.
Take a trip by car and visit places that were special to you when you were your teen’s age.
Go for a bike ride with one of their friends and the friend’s parent.
Have a favorite “breakfast diner” and eat there once a month.
Schedule your lunch hour during your teen’s lunch break - check them out of school and take your teen to lunch.
Ask your teen for suggestions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
