As a Parent Advocate I believe in keeping parents informed and up to date on today's teens the the issues they face.
I have recently launched two new websites to bring you more information on the following subjects:Teen Suicide and Teen Criminal Mischief
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Parent's Universal Resource Experts & Sue Scheff: Holiday Traditions from Psych Central by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.
“But we always have mixed nuts at Thanksgiving!”
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc. Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
“But we always have turkey for Christmas dinner!”
“But we always have the youngest child open the first Hanukkah present (this protested by the youngest)!”
“But we always go to grandma’s for New Year’s Day!”
Any parent who has ever tried to change anything on a holiday will hear a chorus of “always”. Do something two years in a row on a given holiday and you’re doomed to do it forever, or so it seems. If, like me, you thrive on novelty and change, the insistence of kids that you make every holiday a rerun can be exasperating. (I sometimes feel like I’m in that movie “Groundhog Day”, where the main character has to do the same day over and over until he gets it right.)
Oh, all right, I have to admit it… This is an overstatement. The truth is that I enjoy certain rituals as much as the next person. But the kids’ demands for continuity and sameness got me to thinking about what traditions associated with holidays are all about.
There seems to be something very basic in the human soul that craves some predictability and some recognition that we move in concert with the seasons. Name me a culture where there aren’t markers for the passing of time. I can’t think of any. We may do it differently — family to family, country to country, (planet to planet for all I know) - but, where there are people, there seems to be annual feast days, holidays, holy days, rest days. The need to ritualize them with predictable activities, foods, and/or objects seems to be universal.
My theory is that these markers of time are a fundamental way that we all have to make the unpredictability and stress of daily life bearable. At the most basic level, holidays give us some comfort and strength from the simple observance that we’ve ma de it once more around the calendar. On a more complex level, they provide a culturally sanctioned reason for everyone to stop, to take stock of ourselves, to acknowledge who we’ve chosen to be in our families and communities, to underline for ourselves how we are doing, to make new promises to self and others. There is no way for even the most jaded person to avoid it. To be cranky about a holiday and to decide not to observe it still observes it and brings to awareness ones relationship to others.
Kids intuitively understand all this complicated stuff. Sometimes what they latch on to as recognition of the event can be a little weird (like the mixed nuts) but the impulse to mark the passing of time with some kind of gathering and observance is a healthy one. Anything positive, done regularly, puts something important in the child’s internal “security bank”; emotional steadiness that can be drawn on in more difficult times. Kids may not be able to explain it but they do know they need it. It’s important that we understand that their requests for sameness aren’t just inconvenient foibles but are a reflection of kids’ legitimate needs for security.
As parents, we can do a great deal to make sure that that inner bank of love and security has a healthy balance by the time they leave our care. Family traditions around holidays are one of the means we have for letting children know that they are embedded in community, for witnessing their growth over time, and for passing on important cultural and family values.
I wish I had thought more about this when my kids were younger. As in most families, our rituals and yearly observances have evolved over the years into what they are and we certainly do repeat them, and, mostly, enjoy them. But if I had it to do over again, I might more consciously think about just what it is that I want my children to carry with them into adulthood as a statement of their family’s love and allegiances. My husband and I talk about it more. Gradually, we’re introducing some new things into our yearly rhythm: less reliance on gifts and a perfectly clean house, more time with the people who matter, more attention to each individual child’s development. If we do it gradually enough, and keep to some of our more obvious routines, perhaps the kids won’t notice that we’re trying to slip in some new rituals. If we get away with it two years in a row, we’ll have a new tradition.
P.S. And, yes, we’ll have mixed nuts every Thanksgiving.
Dr. Marie advises:
Holidays are not an “extra”. They are essential markers in the rhythm of life.
Embrace holidays. There are never enough reasons to celebrate life.
If you don’t like the commercialism that’s come to surround some holidays, make up your own traditions.
Be thoughtful about the values and traditions that you want to pass on to your children through your holiday activities.
Include your children in the planning, creating, cooking, story telling, gifting, visiting, etc. Kids who are part of it all will know how to carry it on when it is their turn.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Sue Scheff: Book Reviews by parents for parents...
At P.U.R.E. we are about sharing information with parents that are struggling with today's teens.
See recent book recommendations for parents.
See recent book recommendations for parents.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Sue Scheff Articles for Parents with Teens
My new Blog offers news articles from around the world on subjects such as teen depression, teen suicide, teen anger, teen rage, bullying and more.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sue Scheff and P.U.R.E.
PURE has excellent references and wonderful testimonials from people we have helped throughout the country.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Sue Scheff and P.U.R.E. Satisfaction
Wow - in 2001 when I created Parent's Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.) I never dreamed it would explode the way it has! For 7 years we have been successfully helping thousands of families with their struggling teens and pre-teens.
Sometimes it is simply listening and guiding them to local therapists and sometimes it is helping them sort through the confusion of this "child-for-profit" industry.
Whatever the reason a parent, relative, therapist or other professionals call us, we have always been supportive and tried our best to give them resources.Over the years we have had less than a handful of complaints - which is a very good ratio in consideration that we are working with usually desperate situations and families in crisis.
We have received and assisted literally over 10,000 families and are very proud to say we have many letters of gratitude. It is also an honor to be a long standing Member of the Better Business Bureau.I have been interviewed by many reporters and appeared on TV and Radio - in today's society of teens and the peer pressure they face, parents are reaching out for help.
It is a growing epidemic of seeking outside programs and schools, with this, a parent needs to be educated on how to find the best school for their individual child.With all the attention I am getting, it can be overwhelming.
I never dreamed my little organization would become so popular. Like with all success stories, there are always critics. Whether it is jealously that drives them or a simple dislike for me, I respect their opinions - however until you walk my shoes, you will never understand what I have been through.
My book - "Wit's End!" which will be released in 2008 will not only chronicle my story and other real life family situations, it will offer resources, relief and most of all - hope!
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Sometimes it is simply listening and guiding them to local therapists and sometimes it is helping them sort through the confusion of this "child-for-profit" industry.
Whatever the reason a parent, relative, therapist or other professionals call us, we have always been supportive and tried our best to give them resources.Over the years we have had less than a handful of complaints - which is a very good ratio in consideration that we are working with usually desperate situations and families in crisis.
We have received and assisted literally over 10,000 families and are very proud to say we have many letters of gratitude. It is also an honor to be a long standing Member of the Better Business Bureau.I have been interviewed by many reporters and appeared on TV and Radio - in today's society of teens and the peer pressure they face, parents are reaching out for help.
It is a growing epidemic of seeking outside programs and schools, with this, a parent needs to be educated on how to find the best school for their individual child.With all the attention I am getting, it can be overwhelming.
I never dreamed my little organization would become so popular. Like with all success stories, there are always critics. Whether it is jealously that drives them or a simple dislike for me, I respect their opinions - however until you walk my shoes, you will never understand what I have been through.
My book - "Wit's End!" which will be released in 2008 will not only chronicle my story and other real life family situations, it will offer resources, relief and most of all - hope!
Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?
Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
